Monday, August 4, 2014

Pretty Hurts

I've been wanting to post this video since the first time I saw it.  Every time I watch it, I'm brought to tears.  There's something about powerful images paired with a message.  Most of my life I've tirelessly pursued the unattainable goal of perfectionism, but in the game of comparing myself to others I can never win.  There will always be someone prettier, more talented, more in shape... than me.  Which makes me think.  What is the root of all this competition and perfectionism?  What is driving us to try so damn hard?

All women were born with a question that needs to be answered.  Am I beautiful?  Am I valuable?  Am I worth fighting for?

First comes our father to answer that cry.  But many of us had fathers that were absent, silent, or even worse, conveyed the message that we are worth nothing.  And next comes the man in our life, and we don't know why but we want him to only see the perfect side of us, because what if he runs when he sees the bad and the ugly?  Yes, we all need to embrace the process of learning to love and embrace every part of ourselves, but we are meant to be loved and accepted by those closest to us - it is incredibly healing.
I've spent a lot of my life striving to be put together so I'm worth loving.  It's exhausting.  But that's the catch - I'll always strive to be prettier, fitter, healthier, more lovable if I don't give anyone the chance to answer that core thirst that drives me.  Perfectionism is just a symptom of the real problem, and it's only in intimacy and vulnerability that I'm able to open myself up to someone so that maybe there's a chance, a possibility, a hope... that I can let someone in enough to satisfy my heart's deepest desire.

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